How do we step out of fear and anxiety into love and joy?
Firstly, treat yourself with self-compassion. Instead of judging and criticising yourself, talk as if you were speaking to your best friend. Your best friend has your back, supports you, encourages you, consoles you, and celebrates with you...
Make a commitment to only speak to yourself in the same way that you would speak to your best friend. Would you tell your best friend that she was fat, boring, not good enough or stupid? Would you tell her that she was a loser who always messed up? Would you tell her that no one liked her or that everyone thought she was an idiot? Of course you wouldn’t. But if you are like most people that I have worked with, you will be saying things like that to yourself every single day.
Your Decision-Making process
As with many issues, the first step to improvement is awareness. Look back at the important decisions you’ve made and ask yourself if they were made from a basis of fear or love.
Here are some of mine to get you thinking:
• I chose to be a chef in my teens out of fear – I didn’t know what else to do, and I was worried I wouldn’t have a job.
• I married my first husband out of fear – I was worried that I wouldn’t find someone else that would take on a single mother.
• I left him out of fear – I was worried that I would spend the rest of my life unhappy.
• I yo-yo dieted for years out of fear – I was worried about what I looked like and what others would think about me.
• I lost weight for the last time out of love – for myself and my children.
• I meditate and practise daily “feel good” rituals like gratitude, affirmations and visualising, out of love for myself – not only do these daily rituals help me to feel fantastic, they also allow wonderful abundance to flow into my life.
It wasn’t until I understood this concept that I began to make decisions from a basis of love. So don’t be surprised if the most important decisions you made in the past were made from a basis of fear.
Sometimes it’s as simple as looking at it from a different perspective.
Louise wants to change her job because she doesn’t get on with her manager. She hates going to work so she can’t wait to leave. She moans about her manager daily and is applying for every job she sees. She’s stressed and desperate to get out. She doesn’t care what job she gets, as long as it’s better than this one. She is coming from a place of fear.
Alison works for the same manager and also wants to leave. She’s not been happy for a while and knows she deserves to be treated better. She understands that her manager is not a bad person – she’s just not a very good manager. She recognises that allowing herself to get upset every day isn’t going to make her manager a better manager, so she decides not to allow the situation to get her down while she looks for a new job. She knows the situation is only temporary. She starts to think about what kind of job she would enjoy. She thinks about the kind of company she would like to work for. She takes an online career quiz and researches what kind of role would utilise her skills best. She’s excited that she is moving forward in her quest for a more fulfilling career. She is coming from a place of love.
Once we notice that we are in fear, we can choose to act out of love instead. To decide to trust that things will work out, to be compassionate and open, and to feel connected to others and the world.