February 02nd, 2021

A Conversation About Active Listening

Hi, lovely.

How are you this week?

What have been your biggest wins? Come on, think of 3 if you can...

What hasn't gone so well? What lessons have you taken away from these experiences? 

Shall we have a chat about active listening?

As humans, it’s so easy to want to fix a negative situation a loved-one might be in… After all, we don’t want to see someone we care about struggling, do we?
 
The truth is, learning how to listen actively can feel like a challenge. It’s in our nature to want to help others, so “just listening” when someone is in need can go against the grain - but how will they learn if we are always jumping to their aid?

To help you see how empowering listening can be for both you and the person in need, here’s a little story we are sharing on social media next week…
 
Jess is 15 and has been struggling with friendship issues in school. When she spoke to her Mum about it, her Mum jumped to her aid and gave her lots of advice, whilst also clearing up the house and preparing dinner… “Why don’t you pop them a message love?”, “we could go for a walk to take your mind off of things later?” … The truth is, Jess just wanted someone to vent at. She knew deep down that it wasn’t the end of the world, and that she wouldn’t feel this way forever, but she felt talking about it would help her to feel calmer…
 
Of course, in the scenario Jess was in, it was clear that her Mum was well-meaning and just wanted to help fix everything for her. In this case though, Jess wanted a soundboard to help her reflect and come to terms with everything herself. She wanted to feel empowered and independent!
 
What could Jess’s Mum have done differently?
 

• Could she have stopped what she was doing and sat with Jess somewhere quiet? Or explained that she'd be free at 6pm (for example) so she'd be able to listen properly then? This would show she wanted to be there for her…
• Maybe she could’ve asked Jess what she needed right now? This could've been empowering for Jess…
• Could she have summarised what Jess had said back to her? This can be useful for self-reflection…
• Could she have asked questions based on what Jess was telling her? Like, “what happened?”, “how do you feel right now?” or “is there anything we can do to help you get through this?”

 
What do you think? Could Jess's Mum tried to do any of those things?

What else can someone do to show they are active listening?

Well, they could... 

• Ask open questions, but only when necessary… If the person is talking freely, then questions may not be appropriate, so use your judgement. Asking lots of questions may seem as though you are trying to direct the conversation too!
• Paraphrase or summarise… Simply shortening what someone says back to them can be a great tool for encouraging self-reflection. This also shows the person you heard what they said.
• Use open body language… Be relaxed, lean into the conversation, smile and nod, even tilt your head slightly and make eye contact (but not too much!). This shows that you are not distracted and are only focused on what they are saying.
• Stop what you are doing… I’m sure you have experienced times where you are trying to share your feelings and the other person is pottering around or playing on their phone. Just stop, and follow steps 1-3 to show you are value what they have to say. 

If you’d like some useful tips for building confidence, self-esteem and self-worth in your children, please feel free to contact me here.

​I hope this blog helped you in some way.

I aim to post every Tuesday, but don't worry - if you're following us on our socials, you will get a reminder there. 

Follow us Instagram.

Like us on Facebook.

Check us out on Twitter.

If you aren't already, feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn too, for more on children's mental health. 

Take care,

Abby and the HappiMe Team x