A Conversation About Why Children Tell LiesHey.
How are you this week? What have been your biggest wins? Think of 3, if you can... What hasn't gone so well? What lessons have you taken away from these experiences? Let's have a chat about why children tell lies (or "fibs"). As a children’s therapist and coach, parents/carers frequently tell me that their child has been “fibbing” or telling lies, and they don’t know why, or what to do about it. This is a tough one for many families, so I wanted to share some resources and tips for talking to your children about lying. The first thing to remember is that most children learn how to tell “white lies” or “fibs” as young as 2/3 years old – so, you aren’t doing anything wrong! They might learn how to “bend the truth” in order to escape being told off, or learn to manipulate fellow pre-school friends in order to play with the toy they wish to play with. The truth is, the way you deal with the “fib” is far more important than how they learned to do it. In society, most of adults tell ‘innocent’ lies to those around them too. For example, have you ever eaten a meal at a restaurant that wasn’t up to scratch, but lied to waiting staff when they ask how your meal was? How about telling your boss you have almost finished a project that is due at 5pm, when you have barely started it? Sometimes, it may feel like lying is necessary, which children may pick up on… In this Psychology Today article, you will find some great conversation topics for children who have started to tell lies, or for those whose lies have grown into something bigger. I also thought it might be helpful to explore some of the reasons why children may tell lies or “fibs” in the first place. In my experience, these are some key reasons: - Low confidence – Children may exaggerate their skills or experience in something to “fit in” or to feel better about themselves. This is, of course, about the opinions of those around them more than whether what they’re saying is true or not. - Low self-worth – Children may tell friends they have more toys, electronics or friends than what they actually have. This is sometimes because they don’t feel “worthy” as they are. - Low self-esteem – Children sometimes lie to others in order to make people like or respect them to compensate for not liking themselves. This could be by saying they like to dance, when they don’t, or that they love a TV show that they actually find really boring. As you can probably see, these 3 reasons can intertwine. If you’d like some useful tips for building confidence, self-esteem and self-worth in your children, please feel free to contact me here. I hope this blog helped you in some way. I aim to post every Tuesday, but don't worry - if you're following us on our socials, you will get a reminder there. Follow us Instagram. Like us on Facebook. Check us out on Twitter. If you aren't already, feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn too, for more on children's mental health. Take care, Abby and the HappiMe Team x
0 Comments
A Conversation About Grief**Trigger Warning - Bereavement**
Hi, hi. How are you this week? What have been your biggest wins? Think of 3, if you can... What hasn't gone so well? What lessons have you taken away from these experiences? Today, I am going to speak candidly about GRIEF, LOSS and HEALING. I think anyone who has lost something or someone they hold dear would agree with me when I say that grieving is a very individual, and incredibly personal journey. I use the term journey, as grief isn't something that gets better at the drop of a hat - it's a process, and the more care you take of yourself during that process, the quicker you will heal and the more you will learn from this heartbreaking time... That's the hope, anyway. The truth is, although there are stages that many people go through, grief is different for everyone. This is where I get candid... Back is 2012, I lost my Nan. She was the light of my life, a second parent and quite frankly, my best friend during my teenage years. She had such a beautiful energy, and her smile would light up a room in an instant... And don't get me started on her belly laugh. Her whole body would move when she chuckled! Anyway, as a family, we all grieved so differently. A few of us had a tearful few weeks, then dusted ourselves off and got stuck into work. 3 or 4 of us found it tougher, taking months to really get back to feeling any pro-longed happiness. Sadly, it also smashed a couple of us to the floor - and we just couldn't stand back up. Eventually, after a few years, the loss became bearable for those who really struggled to come to terms with her death, but it was one of the most gruelling, challenging journeys we had ever experienced. Now, 8-years on, we can talk openly about my Nan's life, and laugh at the good times. There are still a few tears, but they are mostly dabbed away with a smile in the end. This is the story of a close-knit family, all of which had a different experience, dealing with the loss of someone we all loved equally. Do you see the point I'm making? Whether it's a loved-one, a pet or something of sentimental value - please know that the light is there, you may just need to travel a little to find it. In the words of Rumi, “The wound is the place where the light enters you". If you need someone to talk to, feel free to contact me here. I hope this blog helped you in some way. I aim to post every Tuesday, but don't worry - if you're following us on our socials, you will get a reminder there. Follow us Instagram. Like us on Facebook. Check us out on Twitter. If you aren't already, feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn too, for more on children's mental health. Take care, Abby and the HappiMe Team x A Conversation About ResilienceHi, lovely.
How are you today? What have been your wins this week? Think of 3, if you can... What hasn't gone so well? What lessons have you taken away from these experiences? Today, I wanted to talk about what RESILIENCE - both what is is and how to build it. Now, if you're like me, you weren't one of the lucky ones born with the 'resilience gene'. This means you had to work hard to build it up! The truth is, I actually think that makes us lucky. To build resilience, you need to be able to grow in the face of adversity... Smile in the company of stress... Stand up when everything seems to be tumbling down... I think there's a real sense of accomplishment which comes with building your resilience from scratch. What do you think? Now, it's all well and good me saying, "oh, when you've got resilience, you'll be able to do all of these things..." but, how do we build it in the first place? Here are a few of my top tips for building resilience: 1. Daily reflection - When you're having your evening wee or when you're brushing your teeth, have a think about any hurdles you overcame that day. They might seem small, like not yelling at the person who cut in front of you on the roundabout, but they might also be bigger, like having the courage to be assertive with a colleague or friend. Smile and give yourself a pat on the back (but don't drop your tooth brush). Doing this daily will encourage you to focus on how resilient you already are. 2. Daily Journalling - Continuing on from tip 1, this is a great strategy for being able to look back on your wins. Again, the more time you spend thinking about the things you have done well, the more you will seek to do more of those things... This will in turn, of course, help to build your resilience. 3. Escape Your Comfort Zone - No one ever built resilience by doing the same thing every day. Think about babies... If they never try talking or walking repeatedly, they would never learn! My advice? Do 3 things each week that are out of your comfort zone... This could be talking to someone new, trying a new route to work, or even a brand new activity or hobby! Once you've given the tips a try for 30 days, I'd love to know how you got on! Feel free to contact me here. I hope you enjoyed today's blog. I aim to post every Tuesday, but don't worry - if you're following us on our socials, you will get a reminder there. Follow us Instagram. Like us on Facebook. Check us out on Twitter. If you aren't already, feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn too, for more on children's mental health. Take care, Abby and the HappiMe Team x |
AuthorEach week, HappiMe's Lead Children's Coach, Abby, shares her advice on a new topic.
All
|